Travlin’ Sales Lady
She wuz as beautiful
as th’ sun glisten’ through
a morn’ fog
all gold n’ rainbow colored,
with ‘er long blond hair wavin’
worship me’s
in a spring breeze.
N’ eyee doggies,
one cheeter through th’
spy glass as she
swayed down th’ lane,
n’ I was hotter’n a hog
at a roastin’on th’
four a July.
N’ when ol Granpappy snatched
th’ glass from my fist,
he turned all white n’ said
Son you ain’t aimin’ t’ try t’
jelly roll that there sweet muffin bun lady
air ya?
N’ I jist wiped th’ slobbers
frum mah chin n’ shook mah head
like a bobber screamin’ perch.
You be right sure t’swoller a
a shot or two,
make it three,
uv granny’s
cure all fer
heart n’ head conditions first,
now,
ya hear.
N’ then he fell on his knees
n’ went inta a prayin fit,
until he dropped his choppers
on th’ floor,
n’ even after ol’ Blue
licked ‘em a mite,
Granpappy jist stuck ‘em back in
a’ kept on a prayin’.
Mah,
you be a mighty fine
speciman there,
she said t’ me as she wiggled
through th’ door.
N’ th’ slobbers started drippin’.
Here now,
you fine hunk,
she said as she handed me a hanky.
You musta been eatin some
mighty fine
vittles
or,
a thinkin’ ‘bout it,
she winked.
N’ I dang near broke mah
neck a bobbin’.
N’ then she took
Granpappy’s arm n’
pulled ‘em t’ his feet,
n’ when he dropped his choppers agin,
she smiled n’ sit right next t’ ‘em
n’ said, No never mind fo me,
jist leave ‘em be
you handsome devil.
N, then sweet honey blond
took a book frum ‘er satchel
n’ said,
Ah know you’ve heard about th’
Encyclopedia Britannica…
N’ mah head went t’bobbin’
up and down
when I’us tryin t’ make it go sideways.
This here volumn is about
the World War II
n’ th’ German navy,
n’ u boats,
n’ torpedoes.
Well now I’d heard about
them there thangs
n’ sure ‘nuff wanted t’ impress
sweet muffin buns,
but all I could do is blubber,
big gun, big gun,
torpedoe!
N’ sweet thang looked
right at me n’ said,
honey boy, if’n ahm a gonna die
I’d rather be gummed t’ death.
Well t’ make a long story short,
we put granpappy six feet
under th’ sod this comin’ Friday,
N’ sweet thang,
I heard she quit sellin’
cyclopedias and went t’ work
for th’ Old Soldiers home down
th’ road a piece.
N’ by th’ way,
Old Blue swallowed
Granpappy’s teeth n’ they got
stuck in ‘is throat…
he don’t bay no more.
